


Caleb and the Never-ending Search for Arcane Books

by The_Empress_of_Everything



Category: Critical Role (Web Series), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alchemy, Caleb and his search for the arcane, Caleb is a disaster wizard, Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Cats, Crossover, F/M, Female Edward Elric, Gen, Team Dad Fjord, Team as Family, everybody's German, get ready for more, hi it's taken me exactly one (1) week to start writing CR fanfic, yes everyone has an accent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 15:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14673636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Empress_of_Everything/pseuds/The_Empress_of_Everything
Summary: al·che·mistˈalkəməst/nouna person who practices alchemy.“A man who knows everything and never dies.” ~VoltaireOrOne wizard, one warlock, one goblin, one magic cat, and one Tiefling meet two alchemists.





	Caleb and the Never-ending Search for Arcane Books

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yep back at it again with my bullshit. 
> 
> School is done (I'M A GRADUATE THANK YOU JESUS), I started watching Critical Role Campaign 2 and it was only a matter of time for me to write a crossover. It’s my MO, as we all know. Tried to hit about 2.5k with this one, which surprisingly wasn’t that hard, lol. I actually hit about 3k, much to my shock. Enjoy!

“Uh, yes, excuse me. I am looking for someone who sells books of an… an arcane nature. Do you know of anyone in the city who might sell them?”

The innkeeper frowned, polishing another glass and setting it down. As he took up another one, Caleb shifted from foot to foot, anxious and on edge. His itch to have new books could sometimes get as strong as Nott’s need to steal things. He’d had to sell his last few books to pay for rooms on their travels and it’d been months since he’d inhaled the heady scent of old parchment. He was beginning to get anxious.

“Hmm…arcane books, ye say? Not many places here, this here is a pretty small town and we don’t get too many wizards or magic folk passin’ through. So we don’t really cater to them all that much.” He grabbed another glass. “Used to be an old witch who lived closer to the docks, but she died a few years back. The Curly Cockatrice might ‘ave a few magic items? Though nothing probably at the level yer looking fer. Probably I’d say you’d be looking for the twins, if anybody.” 

Fjord slid up behind him, curiosity lighting his eyes. He’d come with Caleb on a few of his arcana runs and they always proved to be interesting. ( _The times they’d narrowly escaped getting arrested were times he’d rather forget._ ) The rest of the Nein were causing their usual ruckus in the background, moderated by Molly and Yasha. Well, more moderated by Yasha and egged on by Molly than anything.

“The twins?” Caleb twitched slightly when Fjord spoke. Fjord brushed a hand over his shoulder, offering reassurance. The innkeeper nodded, a contemplative look on his grizzled face. 

“Aye, the twins. Well, they’re not actually twins but they look close enough and they’re siblings so we just call them the twins.”  
  
“And they have a store with arcane books?”

“Not exactly. They’re alchemists from Zemni who settled here about…” he shrugged. “A dozen years ago, I’d say. The sister married a sailor and they decided to stay. Ain’t nobody bothers them out here. I think they were running from something but they never confirmed it. Quiet folk, mind their own business and keep out of trouble for the most part.”

“And their names are…?” Fjord prompted. 

“Ah, Eden and Alphonse Elric. Just tell them Jethro Snyder sent you. Their shop isn’t very far away.” Jethro finally set down the glasses. With the towel tucked into his apron strings, he moved out from behind the bar and herded the two towards the door. Every muscle in Caleb’s body tensed as he was nudged and prodded. Jethro began pointing and spitting out directions faster than one human should be able to do. “So yer gonna go down this street, turn left at the intersection. Then yer gonna go past the Angry Elixir on yer right side, turn into the alley by them, keep going but if ye come to the temple, ye’ve gone too far. Once ye hit the alley, you’ll take three right and left turns, a right then a left then a right again. The store is called Ganzmetall, ye can’t miss it. It’s right next to Curtis’s butcher shop and a couple houses. Good luck!”

And with that, Jethro patted them on the back, turned, and vanished back into the Drunk Bunny, leaving Fjord and Caleb to stare blankly out at the street.

“Did you catch where exactly he said to go?”

“I haff a perfect memory; I know _vhat_ he said but I do not know _vhere_ exactly he said to go.”

“Well, between your memory and my navigation skills, we can probably find where it’s at. We’re resourceful, right?”

“Ja,” Caleb muttered. Frumpkin had somehow ended up around his shoulders, draped in a way that made him look more liquid than cat. Fjord eyed him warily.  

“Where are we going?” 

Both Fjord and Caleb leapt and spun at the voice. Caleb’s hand clutched at his chest and Fjord swore.

“Gods _dammit_ , Molly, don’t _do_ that. Caleb’s twitchy enough, we don’t need you making it worse.” The wizard did look a little wild at the abrupt interruption. He scratched Frumpkin under the chin, letting the purring soothe him. “Anyway,” Fjord continued when Molly looked suitably chastised. “We’re going to look for an arcane bookseller.”  
  
“Alchemists, Fjord, they are alchemists. There is a difference.” 

“Alchemists, then. _Whatever_.”

“I’ll join you if you don’t mind.” Molly smiled, all sharp teeth and even sharper wit. “I’ve never met an alchemist before.” 

Caleb looked mildly offended. “I am not an alchemist, but I am a vizard of the school of Transmutation. Vhich is pretty much the same thing.” 

Nodding, Molly smiled. “Well there you go. Now I can say I’ve met an alchemist. Let me just go tell Yasha where we’re going and I’ll be right back.” He patted Caleb’s shoulder and went off. 

“Caleb?” Nott peeked her head around the doorframe. “Are you going somewhere? Do you need me to come with you?” Caleb smiled at her, gently patting her head while keeping the other on Frumpkin. 

“I think I vill be good, Nott. I haff Molly and Fjord vith me; you do not haff to come unless you vish. Ve are going to an alchemist’s shop, vhich actually might be something you are interested in.” Nott nodded eagerly, slipping out of the inn to join them, Molly only a few steps behind her. Her hand found the one not currently holding Frumpkin and the small group set off. 

Since Jethro’s instructions hadn’t been all that…clear, they wandered. For a long time. They did end up finding the temple he’d mentioned and had to backtrack a couple times until Fjord lost his patience and started asking people passing them on the street for directions. Their merry little band got some very odd looks, but by this time, they were used to it. Over half the members of the Mighty Nein had brightly colored skin and did fuck all when it came to avoiding attention, which did nothing for Caleb’s anxiety.

Finally, with the help of a few passerby, they finally found the alchemy shop.

The storefront was small, set back into an alcove on the street. The sign posted over the window, written in a faded gold gilt, proclaimed it to be ‘ **Ganzmetall** , _Elric, Elric, and Yao_ ’. There was a large bay window draped with red and gold brocade. A few books were set within the windowsill, artfully displayed while a pair of cats bathed in the minimal light.

Fjord had a bad feeling about this.

A bell jingled quietly as they entered. Caleb could barely contain himself, eyes darting around, trying to take in the entire room as quickly as he could. Fjord and Molly were more interested in finding the aforementioned alchemist twins. And Nott? She had vanished within moments of stepping over the threshold. 

The inside of the shop was covered in books. Just wall to wall, bookshelves double and triple stacked, tables piled with books, it was either a reader’s wet dream or a fire hazard. Perhaps both. The theme of red and gold was continued in the rather gaudy decor. Molly eyed a gargoyle, horns curling like his own, that held a cat bed in its hands. These twins were shaping up to be odd people right from the start.  

There were two of them, as promised, and at a glance, they did look like twins. Only the very top of the head of one was seen, bobbing through the shelves. Probably the sister since the brother was in direct line of sight. The young man was minding the counter, dusting around piles of books and humming quietly. With a white button up, green striped tie, a brown vest and matching pants, he was dressed very simply but neatly. Short golden brown hair flopped into hazel eyes as he glanced up as they entered, offering them a kind smile. One hand reached up and adjusted his glasses. “Ah, velcome to Ganzmetall, shop of alchemical vonders. I am Alphonse Elric, the co-owner of this shop. Let me know if I can help you.”

“You haff so many books.” Fjord would swear up, down, and back around again that Caleb only looked truly happy when looking at Nott or a pile of old, dusty parchment. “Forgive me, it is just a lot to take in.” 

Smiling, Alphonse gestured over his shoulder. “Yes, my sister and I have spent many years collecting and transcribing books. Her husband is a sailor and brings home many books for us. Ve are the most premiere alchemists in many, many countries. Please, feel free to vander and look at the books. There are many.”

As Caleb hurried forward to speak to the kindly man, there was a sudden cacophony of sound coming from the direction of the other blonde head.

“AUS!! Geh raus! Aus meinem Laden!” A well dressed man bolted out from between the stacks and stumbled over a cat that came out of nowhere. Right on his tail was the raging form of a small red-clad woman. “Verpiss dich, Du Hurensohn!” One booted foot swung up and landed a resounding kick on the man’s backside, sending him sprawling face-down in the dirt and cobbles outside.

She spat as she slammed the door shut behind him. “Good riddance, piece of filth.” The woman spun around, marching back toward her rather stunned audience. Molly did note that her brother didn’t seem at all shocked by this turn of events. He simply rolled his eyes upward to the heavens and seemed to be praying for patience.

As she limped toward them, they were able to take in more of her appearance. Her hair and eyes were gold, brighter than her brother’s, but the family resemblance was very strong. The bright gold braid whipped behind her as she huffed forward, cheeks flushed with anger but eyes sparkling with the thrill of a fight. Her light-weight red halter gown was rather fitted and not doing a great job at hiding her pregnant belly. Scars crisscrossed her upper right shoulder. It was clear just by looking at the two that they didn’t allow others to do their fighting for them. ‘Frontline fighter’ was draped around them like a cloak of power.

Nott tugged on Molly’s coattails. “Look, Molly. Do you think the scary pretty lady would like this?” In her outstretched bandaged hands lay a dozen jeweled buttons, undoubtedly stolen from the man who’d been booted from the store. Molly hid a smirk in his trailing sleeves. How she’d managed to snag the buttons was a mystery best left unsolved.

Ruffling Nott’s hair through her hood ( _ignoring the little voice that muttered how he’d somehow adopted a few of Caleb’s mannerisms_ ), he smirked. “I think she might. You can show them to her and see what she thinks.”

Nott nodded, long fingers closing around the buttons. “She’s scary but also really brave. Did you see how hard she kicked that man? I thought only Beau could kick someone like that.” Something like hero worship glittered in her bright yellow eyes. Molly coughed a little, trying again to hide his amusement. 

“Eden, you must stop trying to kill all of our customers,” the brother sighed, kissing her forehead as she slipped behind the counter to join him. Her belly made it a tight squeeze but she managed. 

“Bah, he vas a pompous arschloch. There have not been any good candidates for our alchemy in years.” Moodily, she settled onto a tall stool and flipped through a book, handily ignoring the Mighty Nein. 

“Be as it may, stop trying to kill them, sister. It’s bad for business.” Alphonse looked back at Caleb and company, trying for a smile that didn’t look exasperated. One hand stroked a cat that had been curled up on the stool now stolen by his sister. Fjord’s sniffling was growing more pronounced by the minute.

Clearly a little shaken by the abrupt interruption of his research, Caleb’s hand sought Nott’s. Frumpkin had slipped off his shoulder once they’d entered Ganzmetall, but sensing his master’s unease, now reappeared to settle on Caleb’s shoulders. “Do you haff a transmuter’s stone?”

The Elric siblings traded looks, incomprehension in their eyes. “A vhat?” The sister asked, lowering her book. She slipped off her stool and moved closer. Upon closer inspection, Fjord could see both had a tattoo on the left sides of their necks. A snake curled around a cross, rendered in black ink. Glancing about revealed the same symbol repeated throughout the store, a fact he hadn’t noticed until now.

Caleb tugged a book out of his hip holsters, flipping it open to a bookmarked page. Fjord, Nott, and Molly leaned forward, as interested as the siblings. Caleb so rarely shared his research with anyone. The image of a blood red stone in various forms surrounded by intricate circles exuded a vaguely menacing air in a strange way.

At the sight of it, though, both siblings tensed. A low snarl left the mouth of Eden, eyes flashing. “Where did you get this?” The question sounded less questioning and more threatening. Fjord assumed her brother normally moderated her behavior but this time, even he looked spooked and a little furious. Unbidden, his hand rested on his belt. His sword might not be physically manifested but it made him feel better prepared for whatever might go down.

Eyes flicking between them, Caleb slowly tugged the book back toward himself. “This vas the only book I could find about alchemy in all my travels. It is a foreign book, not even Zemnian in origin. The only vords I could translate vere transmuter’s stone. Nothing else.”

“It’s Xerxian,” Alphonse said dully. “And the word is actually translated to Philosopher’s Stone.” He pointed to a detailed circle directly under one depiction of a stone. “This phrase appears in the book about fifteen times and translates to ‘the creation of a new immortal’.” Darkness filled his eyes. “I have read the book so many times, it is memorized.”

Eden swore, vicious and nasty words that weren’t in any language they knew. “I thought ve destroyed all of these vicked books,” she hissed at her brother, glaring down at the book with burning eyes, trying to set it ablaze through sheer force. Alphonse sighed, removing his glasses and rubbing a hand over his own eyes. 

“Apparently ve missed a few.” He looked back at a wide-eyed Mighty Nein. Caleb had snatched up the book and was clutching it to his chest like a mother would hold a baby. “Tell you vhat, ve vill make a deal with you.” Reading his mind, Eden maneuvered around the piles and piles of books, hissing and muttering imprecations under her breath the whole time she dug through the stacks. “Ve vill give you three books on alchemy, of varying levels of difficulty, in exchange for that book. It is a reasonable deal.” 

Caleb looked torn; Fjord knew the look well. One book as opposed to three? And the siblings seemed desperate enough to get their hands on the book, they would do just about anything to get it from Caleb. They didn’t seem prepared yet to resort to violence but it would only be a matter of time.

“Here,” Eden snapped, slamming down a stack of thick books. Rage still poured off her skin but her eyes had calmed down a little. “These are worth around 160 gold total, vhich I can _guarantee_ is far more than the amount you paid for that dammed book. And ve are just giving them to you, not even charging.” 

“Why are you so enraged about a book?” Fjord asked, as casual as could be. 

The siblings deflated, suddenly looking exhausted. “This book,” Alphonse said, pointing at the book still clutched by Caleb. “Is the whole reason ve vere banished from our country.” His sister took up the tale, ignoring their stunned faces.

“In our country, there are three laws governing alchemy: obey the military, do not create gold, and do not create people. The last one is considered the greatest transgression an alchemist can commit.” A self-deprecating smirk crossed her face. “The government does not take kindly to those who break those laws and try to hide it.”

“Exile is preferable to death,” Alphonse agreed softly. Eyes fixed on the cover of the book, he continued. “Ve gathered every alchemical book to be had, and this one vas the cause of our downfall. There vere a few other copies scattered across the world and ve have made it our goal to find and destroy all of them, so no one can suffer the vay ve did.”

“This book is the best one for understanding the ethics behind being an alchemist.” She tapped the cover of one of the thick books, _Alchemist, Be Thou For the People, by Eden Elric_.

“You wrote that,” Molly pointed out. She fixed him with a glare. Hands raised, he backpedaled as best he could. “As you said, you’re the experts. Far be it from me to judge the experts.” 

She ignored him, looking at Caleb with a slightly beseeching air. “If three books does not persuade you, ve can throw another one in there. Please understand that the destruction of that book is vital.” 

Slowly, Caleb set the book down, which the others could see pained him deeply, and he pushed it towards the siblings. They at least were polite enough to not snatch it away until he released it. Eden had grabbed a piece of cloth and now draped it over the book. It vanished as if it hadn’t ever existed, just as she vanished into the back room. 

Alphonse pushed the three thick books toward Caleb, before moving to grab another book and settle it on the pile. “Thank you very much for your business. Have a good day.” With that, the clearly exhausted man bowed his head, turned away and vanished into the back to find his sister.

Silently, the Mighty Nein filed out of the small shop, Nott leaving the buttons she’d stolen in a neat pile on the counter before hurrying after them. “What a sad story, Caleb,” she whispered once they’d crossed the threshold. Clutching his new books to his chest, he nodded but didn’t answer. Fjord rested a hand on her shoulder, beginning to steer her back towards their inn. He, for one, wasn’t sad to see the shop vanish in the distance. Too much angst and cat hair for his taste.

Molly glanced over his shoulder, and for a moment he could have sworn he saw the Elric siblings watching them from the window, faces solemn and sad. 

“Molly?” 

The moment lost, he turned back to his comrades. The tragedy of these two lost souls would be forgotten before long, Molly knew. It was time to look forward to the future.

**Author's Note:**

> I took some liberties with D&D’s wizard class, but how perfect is it that Caleb belongs to the school of Transmutation. I needed to write it. Also this turned surprisingly angsty??? This is what happens when you don’t plan your stories out, lol.
> 
> And yes, Eden is married to Ling. 
> 
> German translations (I apologize ahead of time, I don’t speak German so these are all googled. RIP and send me corrections if there’s something wrong!)
> 
> Ganzmetall-Allmetal or Fullmetal  
> Aus!-Out!  
> Geh raus!- Get out!  
> Aus meinem Laden!-Out of my store!  
> Verpiss dich-piss off  
> Du Hurensohn-son of a bitch  
> arschloch-asshole


End file.
